Perhaps you had an “auntie” growing up who wasn’t biologically related to you or your grandparents had a “cousin” who was really just their best friend for as long as you can remember. These figures are chosen family - or those who have accepted you as their own despite not being related by blood or marriage.

The concept of chosen family is incredibly common in the LGBTQ+ community, with 64% of LGBTQ+ baby boomers in America saying they have one. But why is chosen family significant to the queer community and how can those without any biological ties have more of an impact than those with?

What Is Chosen Family?

According to experts in the field, chosen families are “nonbiological kinship bonds, whether legally recognised or not, deliberately chosen for mutual support and love.” In other words, those who stand by you in the same ways that society says family should too. For many LGBTQ+ individuals, rainbowandco.uk/products/chosen-families-are-real-families-t-shirt, especially since many queer people lose support from their biological family after they come out.

What Does Chosen Family Mean for the Queer Community?

While chosen families can be seen outside the LGBTQ+ community, this concept is typically associated with queer folks, particularly those who feel misunderstood or become estranged from their legal families. The need for chosen families can be seen in recent statistics from chosen family are real family|The Trevor Project that show only 37% of LGBTQIA+ youth feel like their home is an LGBTQIA+-affirming space, while less than one in three transgender and nonbinary youth believe their home to be gender-affirming.

Many queer people carry a lot of hurt from being rejected by those who promised would always be there, which makes those who do step up to fill this void even more special. These figures then become their “chosen family” - or those who support them unconditionally as they live as authentically as possible.

The significance of chosen family cannot be understated for the queer community. The same research by The Trevor Project found that LGBTQ youth who live in a community that is accepting of LGBTQ people reported significantly lower rates of attempting suicide than those who do not. This statistic is a great example of how those without any biological ties can have more of an impact than those that do.

Chosen Families and Ballroom Culture

While the concept of chosen family has been a prominent part of LGBTQ+ culture for as long as we can remember, chosen families played a crucial role during 20th-century ballroom culture. Not only did this thriving subculture mark a shift in modern drag, but it demonstrated just how important chosen families were for black and Latino gay, trans and queer individuals.

This community originated in the 1970s when LGBTQ+ Black and Latino individuals were marginalised by both their biological families and the predominantly white gay community. In response, they formed supportive networks known as 'houses.' Houses consisted of individuals who lived and performed together. They adopted a shared surname and were led by a house “mother” or “father” - a respected elder from the community. One of the most famous houses from this time is the House of LaBeija (pronounced la-beige-ah), initially led by Mother Crystal LaBeija.

The impact of chosen families in ballroom culture has also been explored in the media through the 1990 documentary, Paris is Burning and more recently in the FX TV drama, Pose.

@Pose | Blanca & Damon Chosen Family | FX

Other Chosen Families in the Media

While Paris is Burning and Pose focus on chosen families within ballroom, there are many other examples of chosen families in the media that show how important this concept is for the LGBTQ+ community.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

When Rocky Horror was first released in 1975, there was nothing else like it. Not only did the film unabashedly explore sexual and gender freedom, but it also helped popularise ‘midnight movies’ and create a safe space for LGBTQ+ films to be shown. Rocky Horror does a great job at depicting chosen families but has also created a strong fan base that has undeniably found a community among each other.

Sens8

Cut short by Netflix to the outcry of LGBTQ+ fans, Sens8 was a sci-fi drama that followed eight strangers from around the world who suddenly discover they are mentally and emotionally linked. Sens8 included incredible LGBTQ+ representation (and was even directed by two trans women) like Nomi Marks, a trans “hacktivist.” Nomi cared more about her chosen family than her blood relatives who didn’t accept her for being trans, relying instead on the former to give her shelter and aid.

Elliot Page

Known internationally for his acting work and transgender advocacy, Elliot Page has recently spoken out about the importance of chosen family after becoming estranged from his biological father. In a recent interview, Page explained how “chosen family has meant so much to me in my life,” and “I don’t know if I would’ve gotten to where I am without it.”

Rina Sawayama

Pansexual pop icon Rina Sawayama has always been bold about her sexuality in her music. However, she also teamed up with LGBTQ+ legend Elton John to release a duet of Sawayama’s original song, “Chosen Family.” The song explores how important chosen families are to the queer community, repeating the following lyrics:

We don't need to be related to relate
We don't need to share genes or a surname
You are, you are
My chosen, chosen family
So what if we don't look the same?
We been going through the same thing
Yeah, you are, you are
My chosen, chosen family

Chosen Family: Further Reading

Popular Chosen Family Books on Goodreads
The Joy in Finding Your Chosen Family by the New York Times